i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
