Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
