I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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