so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
