I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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