The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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