i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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