nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
