Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
