i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
