My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
