R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
