New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Holy shit dude........stairs
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