You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
