Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
