tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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