It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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