I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
