dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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