I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
