But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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