My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize