Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
