there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
