But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This baby is an asshole
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
