She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
