I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
