I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
