Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
