There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
