If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize