Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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