new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
