how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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