honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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