Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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