So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
