I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have demons in me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
