I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
