I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
