Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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