Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Never joke about your clitoris.
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