When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
