I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
