Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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