I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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