At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
