If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
