so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
