i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
