I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
