so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
