soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
