I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
