we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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