Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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