Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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