If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
