Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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