you would pick up someone in the library
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
