i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
