Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize