So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
