wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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