is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
