Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
