apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
