I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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