is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
