i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
