last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
