this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
