I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
