Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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