I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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