Your mouth is God's brothel.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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